My Heart
by Celebwen Telcontar
Summary: The Enterprise's feelings and thoughts right after her refurbishment


_**Celebwen Telcontar: Here's a new story, a one-shot.**_

_**Balrog: So we don't have to worry about it being unfinished?**_

_**Celebwen Telcontar: I'm not that bad… am I?**_

_**Balrog: Yes, you are.**_

_**Celebwen Telcontar: Oh, well. Please review, people!**_

_**CT**_

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The new hull felt good, and I felt like I was going to go mad from the adrenaline rushing through my ventilation. The feeling made me remember when the strange rodents got into my air ducts, and how they made me nearly have an allergy attack quite a few times. That was with my Jim. I think that strange ship outside K-9 was also allergic to the odd creatures… Oh, well. No sense dwelling on the past when you've got the future ahead of you, no matter how much you want to be in the past.

Back to the present. I couldn't concentrate and couldn't hear that well to that man, my new Captain, Decker. Where was my Jim? Where _was_ he? He was supposed to be sitting there, in the center chair, not some… some _stranger_! Even when I was mere vapor with my Spock, my Jim and my Bones in the past, it was better than _this!!_ Add that to the odd hands on my science area, and I was going spare. I feel like a new ship, someone entirely different from who I was before. What could I do to change things back to how they should be? But more than that, why _should_ I feel like a completely different ship? My Christopher's change to my Jim wasn't nearly as hard! Besides, I'd had my Christopher for over ten Earth cycles, and my Robert for a good chunk of time before then. Why did I feel so attached to my Jim? Oh, well. I wasn't going to cry over spilt milk, as the humans say.

I slowly stretch my hull to its maximum, working kinks out of my systems. Something's wrong with me still, something to do with the matter-antimatter reaction and the Dilithium crystals. Oh, well. The engineers had better fix it. I'd feel much better if Scott was on board. Everything changed so fast. My Jim brought me home for repairs, and then I learned I had a new Captain. Then, I learned that Spock was going to Vulcan and Bones into a private practice on Earth. Christine became a full doctor, and a new Vulcan at the Science area. I hardly even know myself anymore. I guess I'll have to relearn everyone here.

A shuttle docked. What now, that joke, young Jean Picard? He needed more experience before he set foot off Earth, much less on a starship of the Constitution design! Or perhaps it was a Klingon, to stink up my corridors, or a Romulan to tease me with his looks. Wait… There's a familiar step. My Jim! He's come back to me! And Scott, how could I function without him?! This was amazing! But the word… Admiral, why not "Captain", as it should be? Captains are with ships, Admirals with desks, foul smelling things made of plant matter. This wasn't right… Jim wasn't an Admiral, was he? He certainly deserved the raise in stature, but he belonged with me! Would I ever see him again? I felt my hull slightly sag, and I pulled it back to keep from being noticed and drilled and plated yet again.

Slowly, the steps went down to my belly and to engineering. The words I hear aren't making sense at all; I guess the new plating has affected my hearing. Then, I hear a person being called "Commander". I look; it's Decker. Then, I see my Jim. Smug, happy, and content.

"Aye, Captain," Decker grinds out. Captain?! My Jim is a Captain again?! Wonderful! I just about leap out of dry-dock in my excitement. Now wouldn't that cause some gossip among the other ships? Believe you me; Excelsior is a terrible gossip, not to mention Reliant! They'd never let me live it down! Then, without any warning, the Transporters hum to life and a man gets off. He feels familiar too. Dear Creator, it's my Bones! Thank the Creator! Another familiar face and one that I think we'll need soon! Far better than any of the quacks who've approached me since he got off.

As my Jim takes the chair, I feel a piece of me sliding back into place. I'm who I should be again. Then, Hikaru takes me out of dry-dock, and I feel my engines pulling on the stress of their new selves. But something's wrong. Something doesn't work. I nearly sob with my anguish of letting my Jim down. And then I pull myself together and fling my all at the speed asked of me. A wormhole opens beneath my hull and sucks me in. I can't think, I can't breathe, and I can't even feel what's going on. An asteroid is blown to bits by one of my own torpedoes, but I don't remember firing it. I'm unable to move, I am putting my Jim's life at risk, and everyone else's as well! I'm sorry, my Jim… I'm sorry, Hikaru, Montgomery, Bones, Pavel, everyone… I'm sorry I couldn't hold you forever.

Then, with a final blast of red-black light and a jolt, we're out of it. Thank the Creator; we're out of the wormhole. I can feel that my people don't understand what's going on with me. They are confused, but I know what it is. It's something with my engines. Could Montgomery patch me up? I don't know… I try, and manage to get a little energy, but I'm hull-tired. I can't seem to function at all. A shuttle approaches quickly. It docks, and the doors open. A step, precise, measured, and controlled reaches my hull. I just about buck with happiness. I'm complete now, and I'll always be! The puzzle is complete, but with a new background color. Everything is fine, it will always be. Look out, universe, here I come!

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_**Celebwen Telcontar: What do you think?**_

_**Balrog: It's a waste of time. Why make a story about a **_**ship**_** feeling things for the Captain?**_

_**Celebwen Telcontar: I just did. It's good, to my viewpoint.**_

_**CT**_


End file.
